M’Lady of Maladies?



So today on account of the skull shattering sensation pulverizing my brain, I thought it incumbent to write about something completely different than any fetish, kink or concept I have ever gone on topic before: Chronic Pain.

Without focusing too much on the gnarly details, I have experienced intense migraines since my early preteens on to present day. Not a garden variety headache (which is terrible in its own right granted) that goes away in an hour or so and just makes one feel grumpy but rather the all-consuming nausea-inducing hammer to the head sensation complete with acute pulsating pain the makes one think of a vise enclosing slowly. It’s hard to express that which is essentially invisible and is seemingly “just in one’s head.”

I realize this is just a drop in the bucket to other kinds of intense complex issues like Fibromyalgia, residual effects from spinal injuries etc. and I don’t want to come off as if I’m a complaining diva. To the contray, I am very grateful for the good days which luckily out weight the rough patches and I have actually learned a few things that pertain to my femdom profession that I’d like to share.

-Pain can promote personal growth, act as a creative catalyst, help cultivate compassion and empathy and universally touches us all at some point in our lives whether we seek it out or try to avoid it at all costs. Think of how the mythical Athena was born fully formed from an intense headache by Zeus and became known as the goddess of wisdom. In a similar way pain is a wonderful teacher that gives life lessons and is an indication that we must take notice of something. It’s the bodies way of signaling we take care of ourselves in some way; to make our mind unify with our bodily physical self. Sometimes the shards of our salvation lie in the transformative power of pain. We can’t control the stimulus thrust  at us but we can hone our skills to harness our reaction to it.

-Pain Play has been helpful for me on a personal level to counteract deeper  pain and divert attention elsewhere. Odd as it sounds, sometimes an all-encompassing urge to experience pain play eclipses other pain temporally and can act as a respite. I love giving a receiving impact play spankings for example and it at times is a reprieve from migraine pain. All those feel good dopamine and natural chemicals unleashed in the brain receptors when the body encounters pain are set afire and distributes blood flow.

-Experiencing intense pain helps me understand the role of my submissive self-proclaimed “painsluts.”

-There are different degrees of pain and flavors. Some are more apt to be savory to the palette than others & most are an acquired taste.

-Just like aftercare is needed to prevent subdrop after sessions, when pain comes out to play on its own volition, you need to make sure you give yourself TLC afterwards to recuperate since it can be emotionally and mentally draining as much as it is bodily.

To be clear there is no one cure-all for chronic pain since it’s a life state that comes and goes and you just learn to ride it out and cope.  I am not suggesting that the pain play kink is a stand-in for medical attention/intervention and everyone should try it. Instead I am just drawing parallels in finding pleasure in pain play and learning to work with intense sensations, surrender to them and come through on the other side where there are benefits to the darkness cast by such chronic pain that knows no safe word and is beyond a master or mistress. Both S&M and pain itself have been much  maligned and misunderstood. I am grateful this is a personal way for me to rein in the pain by engaging in the theatre of BDSM as it makes me appreciate the absence of the ache when it has dissipated and has for a time abated.

Fiona (82)


On the Chain gang of chronic pain? It’s a bondage that can have the power to bind people together. If you wish, please share your experience with  pain in the comments section below.  Do you court it, cope with it, love/hate it?