Beyond All the BDSM Whips & Chains How Does A Domme Hold Tight the Reins?
Myth #1 Mistresses are rude, crude and generally bully their subbies.
One comment I often get right off the bat with new subbies is “you’re so nice” with a sigh of relief. As if they had made the mental assumption that as a femme domme I was immediately going to berate them or demand they bow down before me in complete and utter supplication. This stereotype seems to stem from a very specific archetypal demanding dominatrix of the hardcore subset. While, there is most definitely a quintessential theme of power and control that spans across the board of fem-domination, not all are going to go about demonstrating their wiles in the same way. Some are more sensual, some are more strict. Favoring one style does not automatically exclude the other.
Even the harshest of dominatrices are going to slowly break in a new submissive and not start off mind-fucking them beyond their scope of comprehension. A mistress first gauges the breadth of a pet’s experience before pushing the bounds of it -unless it is predetermined by both parties that thorough hardcore is mutually desired from the get-go.
Women are all woven together with many different dimensions. Sometimes a purring seductive mistress will take one a more fierce tone and other times a stricter femme domme may show a softer side when the mood strikes. In fact sensual femme dommes are sometimes just as strict or stricter when it comes to making sure their pets tow the line and at other times more overtly fiery mistresses may be more lenient about protocol, assignments etc. The main point to take away from this is No two mistresses are alike just like no two subbies are alike. BDSM is not a one-size fits all venture.
Mistresses can actually be an asset to help build yourself up not tear you to bits. Looking for a cum coach or masturbation manager to help you break some bad habits in bed and stick to your sexual goals? Look no further! Mistresses can help you extend your stamina, help you with your cock conundrums, talk you out of the urge to purge your wardrobe, aid you in finding to courage to share your fabulous fetishes and get you out of that funk of erotic ennui you at times may find yourself mired in. We are here to be supportive of our subbies even if it sometimes involves a little dose of tough luv and some naughty nurturing, we are here to work with you not against you.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Oh Fiona I too had that stereotype in my mind, but it was broken before I met you.
I guess to some extent I blame the Internet for it, because the Internet tends to show the extremes, it is often the extremes that catch people’s attention and when our only actual experience with female domination is through Internet web sites that’s the world we build.
But actually talking to dominant women through LDW I found out how wrong I was. Some of you will role play that for fun, but the for fun part is important because all of you want to make sure the experience is fun – but I discovered being a dominant women doesn’t mean she lacks empathy and nurturing and sensual qualities, in fact it appears to me those qualities are often amplified in dominant women and that is so beautiful, it really is.
Alice, I am so glad you had such positive experiences! You are so right, it takes all of those attributes to culminate into a domme
My first taste of femme domme was from watching the cult movie “Eating Raoul”. And I loved how the sweetly chirpy dominatrix switched gears into full-throttle domme mode in an instant. It is magic in a way & that scene managed to show through the satire, the wink and smile that comes with that fierce femininity and being comfortable with it’s many multi-layered flavors. It’s such a great case of both parts blended together not either-or, this-or-that which totally appeals to me. Not being stuck in one role but putting the play in role-playing that brings a real understanding of both pivotal polar points. And yes, fun is what it’s all about at the end of the day. 😉
The whips, chains, and BDSM are all choices for play. The ladies here art LDW are wonderful human beings. For me it has just been mainly to have someone to talk to about transgender issues and have a bit of wedding fun 🙂
Aw I totally agree THE LDW community of of mistresses, submissives, lovely ladies, gurls and panty bois is amazing! And yes, whips and chains can be great *devious smile* but I think it can go so much deeper like you said.
I am so loving your gorgeous blog on tumblr beautiful! Happy Spring! xoxo
Great post, Ms. Fiona, and SO true!
I love how Alice Wonder described how the Internet has skewed what a Mistress is. Personally, I have had people ask why I do not yell and scream (well, unless it is a part of a sexy fantasy, lol) and I answer that by saying if I had to do horrible things to keep control, then I would not be a very good Mistress. I will look forward to reading more Mistress Myths!
Yes exactly!! I can’t even begin to imagine what perpetual screaming and yelling would do to our vocal chords. lol Luckily it’s a rare request indeed. It seems that deadly calm, stone cold serious tone gets the most attention -and is less of a strain. 🙂
I don’t understand the fetish, but some guys will pay to call a domme and be completely ignored by her, the opposite of yelling. I won’t knock the fetish because many people do not understand how some of my fetishes can be so erotic to me, as long as it is safe sane and consensual it’s all good if it turns you on.
Ah yes, the ignore fetish. That’s always easiest when it involves another mistress or friend to talk to and focus on for extra emphasis. 😉
Ms Fiona ~ Love Love Love this post. You are so right, no two subbies have the same needs and no two Mistresses are the same. And thank goodness for that!! How boring would that be?? LOL I will agree that there are some misconceptions out there. I also find it funny how many times people are shocked that I do not yell or scream. I love Mistress Myths ~ that you for bringing light to them.
Yes, you are totally right beautiful! It would be so darn dull
lol And I think we would have lost our voices by now if we screamed and yelled as much as people think. 😉