Panty-cake Patty: “So, is masturbation a real thing or is it just something here?”

Masturbation Proclamation

Masturbation May is an actual national celebration! There is an interesting history surrounding this masturbation manifesto. How could there not be? It all started in 1994 when the Surgeon General  Jocelyn Elder was fired. They called it enforced resignation officially but we all know it means fired. Why was she fired you wonder? Well in a little q/a session after a speech she gave at the United Nations World Aids day she was asked by a member in the audience about masturbation being potentially promoted as a means of safe sex and a better alternative to sexual activity earlier in life.

 Her reply was:

“I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.” (via

Seriously?! That’s what was considered controversial?

At least  some good came out of this travesty because by 1995 in good ol’ San Fran it was decided by staff of the  Good Vibrations sex toy company that is was an unfair assault on our right to self-pleasure and jerk-off to our heart’s content. It is the life, liberty and pursuit of happiness we all deserve.

Masturbation Myths

Now deemed antiquated and obvious falsehoods these are a few crazy examples of what masturbation was blamed for (most likely by the puritanical  to shame those that indulged):

-Caused sexual dysfunction

-Gave you hairy palms

-Caused myopathy

Thankfully for 98% of the population none of the above issues are true there would be lots of follicle endowed hands if that was true.

On the contrary here are a few Masturbation Benefits:

-It’s the causation of stress-busting endorphins being released which in turn strengthens the immune system

-Helps promote safe sexual exploration  (no need to worry about  pesky STDs or unattended pregnancies)

-Increases the sexual appetite and understanding of our own bodies and how to pleasure them either solo or with a partner & masturbation can actually improve your sex life

-Strengthens the pelvic floor muscles and can elevate cramps in women as well as help extend orgasm control in contracting and relaxing the p-muscles. And for men in helps protect the prostate gland from infection.

-Increases and redistributes blood flow for better circulation and boosting pain relief

-Energizing and it’s also an calorie-burning exercise!

How perfect that it’s celebrated in the mists of May’s return of the sun & all that fecund fuckery there within!

Don’t forget  foreplay when you self-pleasure 😉 Try a Mistress Masturbatrix Medley to get you in the spirit of the month and get some marvelous masturbation inspiration and self-love aides: