How To Stop the Sub Drop
After you go through all the biochemical changes from subspace some submissives may experience sub drop which is similar to a brief period of feeling down in the doldrums, melancholy, listless and or drained. The mind, body and emotions have much to process through.
Everyone is physiologically different as well as their personal interpretations of various stimuli and what emotions they trigger. Likewise, subspace and sub drop is something that not all submissives necessarily go through and if they do it can vary vastly from person to person.
A few preventative measures can be taken to avoid sub drop as well as things that can be done during its occurrence if and when it happens:
**Talk it Out -With your dom and/or trusted friends and confidants.
**Meditation –Decompress with yoga, relaxing music, aromatherapy.
**Nurture yourself with proper nutrition & hydrate. Plenty of water, fruits, vegetables and protein-rich, healthy foods will make a huge difference.
**Light Exercise like walking on a scenic trail, or low impact activities like indoor swimming at a local gym can be helpful.
**Reflection & Introspection– Journal your thoughts, & feelings, goals (a submissive journal similar to the sissy journal I blogged about a few posts ago).
**Rest -Catch some Zzzz’s
**Pamper Yourself with a relaxing spa day and full body massage
**Talk with your femdom for submissive play aftercare and pre-care ideas to do together.
**Brainstorm ways to prepare and think about putting together a Submissive Subdrop Survival Kit.
**Discuss and evolve a plan for anticipating and accommodating your needs but realize they may change over time and from session to session so this is an ongoing process of tweaking. Always be sure to inform your femdom of any areas you do not wish to explore or that feel too extreme in intensity. Set soft and hard limits and always have clear lines of communication open and/or safe words in place. You may even get rewarded with a happy ending to a stroking session if your Mistress is pleased with your progress and knows you did your very best during the BDSM play scene.
**Be gentle with yourself, give yourself time, think about what you hope to get out of your next session and how what may help lessen the aftereffects for next time.
What is Domspace?
Doms may also experience an domming equivalent of subspace called “domspace” in a lesser extreme degree but just as intensive bonding experience with their subs. Dom-Bonding helps replenish us as well as you. There even is what’s considered a “dom drop/domme drop” phenomena as well that can be dealt with and prevented in much the same way as above.
What works for you Mistresses and subbies? Care to share with the class anyone?
Ms. Fiona –
Oh I LOVE the topic of subspace and have discussed both sub drop and domme drop on my blog too! I am thrilled to see your take on these topics.
You really offer great suggestions too! My faves are to eat something good, drink water, snuggle up with a blanket and watch TV or listen to music…or even read.
I think your readers will get a lot of help from this!
🙂 Ms. Delia
Thank you so much Empress Delia. I loved all your insight on your site blogs. Snuggling up with a book and blanket is a great idea!
I love this blog post! It is really common, even after vanilla sex (let alone BDSM play!) to go into a funk. I think the suggestions that you gave are great and spot on. It’s really important to pay attention to yourself and give yourself the after care you need, whether you are a sub or a Domme. Great post! Thanks for sharing this with us.
Thanks so much! Love your new toy blog post BTW Mistress Courtney 😉
These are awesome suggestions, Ms Fiona!
In my opinion, providing proper aftercare is often just as important as the session itself. Reflective and introspective writing is very useful for organizing one’s thoughts, experiences, and desires; that’s a tip I frequently share with my callers as well. A BDSM session can be very emotionally taxing, so it’s critically important to tend to the resulting feelings and thoughts.
Thanks so much Mistress Marlena! I loved your spanking post -so hot 😉
What an awesome read, Ms. Fiona. I love reading articles like this which focus on the importance of post-session aftercare. It just goes to show your true level of professionalism and the fact that you care for your submissives and their well-being. I think that is a common trait that the ladies of LDW share and should be proud of!
Thanks so much! I loved your strap-on post BTW Empress Alexis 🙂
Yes I have experienced the doldrums after phone sessions. Many times I cannot wait to get out of my dress and underthings. I have found now after a session to go to my dressing room sit at my vanity and freshen my makeup. Take the time to breathe deeply and recenter myself and understand that I love being a girl. I prep my hair and spritz some perfume and maybe listen to some soothing music and read for awhile till I am fully relaxed again. After care is probably where we do not pay enough attention to on both Dom and sub.
Wonderful suggestions. A little lip gloss and glitter always gets me out of a funk as well doll. 😉
I think this is a very important post as well. So many people get caught up in the fetish aspects of dom/sub play and overlook the fact that we’re all human beings and we must attend to our basic needs. You can only “please someone else” for so long before you hit bottom. None of us have infinite emotional resources; if you continually withdraw from an account without making deposits, you’ll eventually come up empty.
Very well said! Nothing is worse than feeling emotionally bankrupt and overdrawn at the end of the day. I like to hope intensive sessions are like deep tissues massages; Uncomfortable during or right after at times but it’s cathartic and ultimately healing in the long run so by the final stages of it all everything feels put in the proper place and aligned. 🙂
What is subdrop?
Sub Drop is essentially the inertia and temporary ennui that is the result of all the biochemical changes one may undergo during and after a BDSM session’s subsequent subspace. See tips on my blog post:
Also refer to
Thank you Fiona, I was very glad to see this.
First time I went through it, I had no idea what was going on.
It was not even after a call, it was something in chat. Mistress X triggered it, but was just the trigger, not the cause, but I did not realize it.
I knew I was over-reacting and I did not understand it yet even though I knew I was over-reacting it felt very real. I called Delia and Delia kept telling me to contact Mistress X which would seem the obvious thing to do but I wasn’t in a rationale state of mind.
But Delia helped me identify the real cause, there had been a B-rated 70s “sexploitation” marathon (mostly women behind bars) that I had watched, about 4 or 5 hours worth, before I entered chat – and that is what set up the biochemical process that then resulted in the sub-drop with a comment by Mistress X.
After helping me identify the real cause, Delia’s advice to contact Mistress X made sense and I did, resulting in Mistress X taking care of me and making sure I understood her comment, and then after that I felt guilt for having brought Delia into it when I should have just gone to Mistress X in the first place.
So yes, I agree with everything and hopefully in the future I’ll be smart enough to go straight to the Mistress from the start.
sub-drop is very real and can be triggered even when there wasn’t a session involved – as it was in that case, and I am very grateful that Delia helped me figure that out.
Alice, you are so right; There are so many triggers and experiences that hit people at inexplicable times but that can be interconnected indirectly. It’s wonderful that you identified the discomfort and sought out solace and closure. I’m glad you talked to Delia and Mistress X to help you process through since I’m sure they both were excellent at helping you navigate through it.
It’s amazing how many emotions get stirred up and brought to the surface when exploring BDSM.
Dialogue seems like a great opportunity to understand our reactions and feelings as we learn about ourselves in new ways even when it can be challenging at times. 🙂