Guilty as Charged
I was raised Catholic so I know a little something about guilt. Granted, much of my religious upbringing didn’t stick or I wouldn’t be a femdom with the blog you are currently reading. I’m what you might call a “recuperated catholic,” but I, up until very recently, suffered from residual chronic guilt. I felt guilt for all I had, all I did or didn’t do, or felt I should want or need to make myself do.
No matter how many times my more rational, logical side countered the mean inner judge in my head I still had this lingering sense of not being “good” enough, moral enough or caring enough. It was fucking exhausting! There is no magic cure. I still do on occasion feel these slight pangs the only thing that has changed isn’t the result of some wonderful clarity bestowed upon me during a dark night of the soul.
Running with the Devil
No, you can’t outsmart or outrun your inner demons. However you can run with them. I now give in to my deep lust for sex and intimacy. I let myself cave into the craving I have for experiencing the wonders of human connection and carnality. Here’s what I learned, sometimes guilt can be an erotic accelerant to fuel the flames of desire. When something seems taboo it seasons the seduction with added vivacity.
I now see the virtue in my vice and if that makes me a bad girl then I guess I’m guilty as charged! 😉
You know as I read this I couldn’t help but succumb to this visions of Mistresses Brighton and Harper all dressed up in their sexy nun habits. They do make bad look so good. But seriously, good for you for standing up for yourself one day at a time. Chronic guilt is a situation that should solely be reserved for cuckolds and the poorly endowed, not kickass Femdoms like us!
I LOVE Ms. Brighton and Harper in their nun habits! So freakin’ sexy!
Miss Fiona,
I agree wholeheartedly with your view of guilt. It CAN fuel inner desires of taboo behavior. In fact, it HAS with me. For years I had the guilty fantasy of my wife ducking other men. Men with superior cocks. (That wouldn’t take much seeing that I have a whopping 5”????). I also had the guilty fantasy of being with men. Long story short, both of those fantasies came true, which led me to a happier life. My wife started fucking a guy with a HUGE cock (11”!), and I explored mysame sex fantasies. FF to today, we’re divorced (amicable and positive), she’s with a guy and happy, and I’m happily out of the closet as a gay man! Turns out we both love big cocks!!!!
11 inches? Wowza!
Miss Fiona,
Chronic guilt is no joke. I was raised Catholic, too. I’ve been able to let some of it go, but still hold on to some. I’ve been burdened with a small cock. 5” fully erect. My marriage ended as a result of my guilt. First, I think we can agree, a 5” cock will satisfy NO ONE, Except for the sense of humor of a lovely Mistress????????. Second, my guilt turned to shame and denial as I refused to accept my attraction to men. I dismissed it as curiosity or a phase. Nevertheless, infrequent sex with a 5 inch cock is not what my ex wife signed up for. Not even a boob job could get my little “fire hose” to kick into gear . So, she did what any rational, smart woman would do. She went and found herself a hot stud with a huge cock. Turns out it was a local cop who was more than happy to satisfy my ex wife’s needs. While I was at work at the firehouse, he was busy “serving and protecting “my wife’s libido. Talk about humility for a firefighter. She eventually found out that my desire for cock was as deep as hers and I found out that she was fucking the cop. Even though I knew she still didn’t hide it. In fact, she would deliberately leave evidence for me to find when I got home from work. This included two wine glasses, cum filled panties and cum stained sheets. Needless to say the marriage ended. It sounds sad but it’s actually a really good thing. It enabled me to start facing the fact that I’m a gay man. My ex-wife is the first person I came out to. It also let her get what she needed- a heterosexual man with a huge cock. Turns out we are both size queens.
I still have a ways to go, because I still carry a lot of guilt and shame. But, I’m in a lot better place than I was earlier in life. My ex is a truly amazing woman. She has supported me in my process and she even “helped” me by outing me to all of our mutual friends. Ha ha That was a bit of a shock but just like all women, they know what’s best for us men. I needed a good push and she gave it to me.
Thank you for this blog. It took a long tine to fully realize my guilt. And thank you to you and all the Mistresses at LDW for being so open minded.
GBFF
I’m so glad your ex was so supportive! Being size queens together is a bonding experience as well. 😉 XOXOXO