Coping with the Loss of BDSM Partners
Sometimes phases of life and circumstances lead to those in the D/s dynamic finding themselves without their dominant/submissive counterpart. Whether it’s temporary or permanent, it can be a challenge to endure. Either way, it’s not uncommon to experience grief. That’s because this is a legit period of mourning during the pause or end of a BDSM relationship. The connection, trust, respect, vulnerability and growth is a deep bond so of course, it’s painful when it ceases in its usual form. BDSM partners and their relationships run very deep and are intrinsically entangled.
Kink Conservation of Energy
You are forever changed by your BDSM partner. In the power exchange, each person gives and receives energy. Remember class, energy cannot be created nor destroyed. It merely changes forms. So, the gift of that energy imprint you formed with your partner will always exist even if you do not meet again in your journey in this life, it merely exists in a different way.
The energetic imprint you give and get with a BDSM partner lasts longer than the rosy blush of a spanked tushy even. It can be indelible and permeates soul-deep. The lessons you learned from each other, the progress you make in your erotic discoveries will always be part of you.
So, how to cope when all you have left is the echo of the energy from the past sessions?
Here are a few ideas and please feel free to add your own in the comment section:
Here are a few ideas and please feel free to add your own:
Know that it is NOT your fault. People change, life gets in the way, and sometimes we have no choice but to give into a different path.
Let yourself feel the pain of grief. Pain has its place in life and BDSM, as many of you pain-sluts already know. It can strengthen us and give us faith in knowing our power to endure. Emotional pain reminds us we are alive and can feel deeply. There is no need to hold back those feelings and the less you try to fight them. the more they ease. Think of it as a last gift from your partner and let it purify you. It’s a release that helps us to move forward.
Any time you feel yourself missing them take a moment to think about what attracted you to your partner. What attributes do you admire in them and how do you feel you’ve been inspired by their actions and words? How can you reconnect that internally through their past examples? You may not realize how much is imbued in the process of getting to know each other and working together synergically. How can you continue emulate that energy to honor each other? How might you continue to live your life in accordance with that feeling?
Everything You Change, Changes You As Well
Write a therapeutic letter to your partner even though it’s just for you. It can help draw out some of your deeper feelings and identify with them in a more concrete way to see it spelled out in a personal journal or diary. You can reminisce about your favorite times and even write out scenes or sessions to indulge in your own personal fantasies.
Be gentle with yourself and self-care. It’s important to give yourself the time, space and grace to take the path at your own pace. It’s not a linear process and that’s OK. Some days will be easier than other and we must learn to ride the waves as they come. Remember, your heart will open up to other play partners who will bring new and exciting experiences when you feel ready. Appreciate new partners for who they are and the uniqueness and richness they can bring. Honor your past partner by bringing their energy and letting it evolve openly to your next.
Volunteer. Name a hobby of yours. Indulge in it. Better yet, find a way to experience it in a way that gives back to your local community. This helps because building new bonds, gives us a sense of purpose and reconnects us to what makes us feel the most like our true selves because when we give, we also gain so much.
Do you have advice for coping with the lose of a BDSM play partner whether it is a Dominant or a sub?
Thank you so much for this Mistress 💜! All things considered for me, this was definitely a needed and helpful blog post to read 💜.
So glad you enjoyed it, Hailey <3
This was an amazing blog, Fiona. Thank you for this.
I love that you included that the energy isn’t lost, it just changes form.
One way to honor that connection could be to multiply that energy by sharing it with others. I totally agree with you about giving back to our local communities.
I’m sending you so much love. 🫶
I LOVE the idea of multiplying and sharing that energy. It reminds me of a quote an eldery widower mentioned when her husband passed on and she asked how she could live without his love and he said, “I will still always love you and I need you to help spread that love around for me as well as much as you can and it will come back to you tenfold.” I truly believe in the wisdom of that. <3 And love to you, Gorgeous!
Wonderful post Ms Fiona! I had a five year relationship with an amazing LDW Mistress before life took her on another path. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t think about her. I still do even after years. It took me a long time to get over the loss in my life. I was hesitant to put myself in the position of being vulnerable again and possibly being hurt once more.
I searched for a long time before I found a Mistress whose voice, words and mind excited me so much that I finally decided that I had to take the risk! I was very nervous about it but I am so glad that I did! My life has changed for the better in so many ways!
The D/s relationship is very deep! I know that I will always hold both of them in a special place in my heart and that I will remember them forever no matter what happens in the future!
You are so right about what a deep bond is formed and I am so glad you have had and continue to have wonderful Mistresses in your heart and life. <3 Thanks so much for sharing
A beautiful blog. This is relevant to the ending of any type of relationship/partnership or even friendship. Accept there will be a period of loss/grief or mourning, everyone will react differently and take a different amount of time to recover. Take time to find what is right for you, make sure to have a support network and you will come through it.
Thank you so much. It reminds me of that Third Eye Blind lyric that says, “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” -annnddd now I have that earworm in my head lol but that’s from a fave song so that’s fun!
I always so love reading your blogs and your wise and kind words! Your energy always caresses my soul! Thank you dear Mistress Fiona! 💖
Aw, and I always enjoy your blogs and what you share on EE as well so I am honored it touched you! <3