Hello Kinksters!  This is the last installation of my BDSM interview series. Click on the hyperlinks  (wow Freudian slip I almost wrote hyperkinks lol my one track dirty mind is just a hazard of the industry ha) BDSM Lifestyle Lovers Part 1 and BDSM Lifestyle Lovers Part 2 to view the preceding sections of the  interview with LoveMySub and BelovedSangi from tumblr (you can find their fab blogs there under their screen names).

What are some of the most gratifying aspects and surprising transformations you have observed in each other? How have you both grown on your journey together?

LoveMySub: Being Sangi’s dominant has made me the best possible version of myself. In my “normal” life, I’m known for being very gruff and not-at-all friendly because I work in finance and that’s just how that job goes. With Sangi, I am totally focused on her and i turn into a huge teddybear. I never smile more than when I’m with her, and I’m never more at peace. I love being so in-tune with her that I am able to anticipate her needs before she even knows what those needs are. But the amazing thing is that she does the same for me. I am *not* a man who will admit when he needs help, or is exhausted, or is in pain. That’s just not me. I was raised to never show weakness. And in other relationships, partners have taken that at face value and assumed I was basically invincible. Sangi is so in tune with me that she knows when I’m in pain without any visible cue from me. Once, after a particularly grueling scene, I gave her aftercare and after that we stepped into the shower as usual. She was finally coming out of subspace, and she looked at me and caught me just as my knees finally gave out from under me and I collapsed. I have dealt with a number of catastrophic injuries in my life and am in constant pain, so sometimes my body just gives out with no warning. She somehow sensed it coming and knew to catch me. That may seem weird, the submissive catching the dominant as he collapses, but that’s something that a lot of people don’t get about D/S. Yes, the vast majority of the time the dom is caring for the sub, but every once in a while the sub will need to care for the dom as well. I may be pretty badass, but I’m not invincible 😉

Also, in terms of benefits, the way we’ve grown in this life together has been amazing. The journey that we take, learning and sharing, has been incredible for the both of us, and one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. We find out new things about each other, both sexually and non, on a daily basis. It’s incredible and we owe most of it to this lifestyle.

BelovedSangi: Oh my god, can I say everything? No, really though, there are so many benefits! I’ll just say what I’ve personally experienced and hopefully it won’t end up being a novel. For me, the high levels of trust, respect, dedication, and love lend themselves to forming an intense bond between myself and my Sir. I’ve really never experienced anything like it. He is so attuned to me that He knows me better than I know myself, often giving me the things I need before I realize that I need them. The same is true for how in tune I am to His needs. It’s also so incredibly freeing to be able to relinquish control to someone that you know has your best interests at heart and wants you to be a better individual. I am a very Alpha female and it can weigh on me, but with Him I can let all of that go and no longer am I worried about my job or my life. He takes all my burdens as his own and allows me to just be. It’s completely addicting and freeing for the both of us. Within our relationship, He has also made it His first priority to raise my self-esteem as that’s a big issue for me. I have grown and blossomed so much under His care that I am now a much more empowered and confident woman. I’ve also noticed that I bring out the softer side of Him. He is much more patient and gentle when I’m around and lets much of His gruff demeanor soften. It’s made us much happier people. We’ve also been undergoing an amazing journey in terms of finding out what we’re into and what strengthens our relationship. We have been exploring much more of my masochistic side, which has been quite fun for the both of us as it came as somewhat of a shock for me, I never thought that I would find euphoria in pain. It was also surprising for us to find that we both quite enjoy primal play! We’re just constantly pushing each other to new depths of enjoyment and pleasure. It’s so much fun to uncover new aspects of one another!

What other aspects of BDSM are you interested in exploring that you haven’t yet (if any come to mind)?

LoveMySub: Well, I think the thing we talk about doing the most often is having Sangi dominate a girl while I dom Sangi. Sangi is an “Alpha” submissive, meaning she’s actually not the least bit submissive to anyone in the world but me. She’s courageous and intelligent and confident. When she’s not around me, you would think she was a domme. So watching her domme someone while I dom her would be hot as hell. I also want to learn more about rope bondage and how to do some of the really intricate ties that I see. Sangi has enormous, beautiful tits so the idea of doing some breast bondage is really appealing. I also want a high-end insertable e-stim unit for her. I know she would really enjoy it.

BelovedSangi: We’d like to try him Domming me while I Domme another submissive. Also, at some point, we’d like to have a submissive pet, but that won’t be for a few years. Eventually, we’d also like to open our own Sex Store that would host demonstrations on kinks. As far as specific kinks that we’re interested in that we haven’t explored yet…I’d have to say advanced e-stim, breast bondage, artistic cutting, suspension, rope play and perhaps needle play. We’re open to anything really, as long as it doesn’t involve waste. That’s a very hard limit for both of us.

After a session together how do you both come down from dom/subspace while preventing dom/subdrop?

LoveMySub: I do a *ton* of aftercare for Sangi. I generally lay her down, wrap her in a blanket, put her head on my lap, stroke her arms, and feed her Gatorade to hydrate her. I whisper sweet things to her so she knows that I’m here. She’s usually so deep in subspace that she doesn’t understand what I’m saying, but she does respond to my voice so I know it comforts her. Still, though, we do actually run into some pretty hard drop, due to the fact that most of the time, the day after a scene, I have to go back to North Carolina, and that leads to kind of a delayed drop. We will both be depressed for a few days after we spend a weekend together. She’s moving in with me in a couple of months, though, so I’m hoping that we won’t have that issue for much longer!

 BelovedSangi: Oh gosh, I laughed aloud at this one. Not because of the question but because we always have dom and sub drop. But I believe that’s because we have a long distance relationship and we both really need a few days together after a scene and only get one or two. But it could be much worse if we didn’t perform any aftercare. After a scene, I’m usually flying so he wraps me up in blankets and gets some Gatorade in me while murmuring loving sentiments until I can speak again and can move of my own volition. After that, we’ll usually take a bath or shower together and wash one another. It’s a quiet time where we’re just focusing on showing the other how much we love and appreciate the other. In the state I’m in at this point, I instinctively know exactly what he needs. I’ll massage his back where I know he’s hurting without him saying a word. It’s a completely different plane of consciousness for me. After we’re clean, we’ll get dressed and snuggle in bed with a snack and perhaps a show or movie and we’ll talk. We’ll talk about anything until it naturally comes back to the scene and how we both felt about it. Most of the time, it’s a brief conversation as He and I are both completely satisfied with how it went. After particularly intense scenes he knows the biggest thing I need in the following few hours is for him to just make love to me. It cements our bond after the scene and reminds me that he does, in fact, love me and care for me even after he was just playing with me like he didn’t. Once I move in with him, neither of us are worried about experiencing such heavy drops like we do now as we’ll be much more able to spend days caring for one another.

Communication and trust are intrinsically fundamental and you both have mastered that excellently. Did it always come so easily?

LoveMySub: Yes. This kind of relationship simply cannot exist without 100% open communication and 100% trust. I told Sangi that if she ever lied to me, I would probably never get over it. And she has been incredibly honest with me, even when she knows the truth isn’t necessarily something I want to hear. I appreciate that more than she will ever know. We made a commitment to keeping this a completely honest relationship, and thus far we have had no trouble with that. And honestly, being able to be utterly yourself around someone, without hiding any little part of yourself? That’s incredibly refreshing. Think of how many people you have in your life that you literally hide nothing from. If you’re like most people, you probably don’t have any. So that’s the biggest takeaway to all of this- if you can be completely yourself in a relationship, you will be happier than you’ve ever imagined being. Is that hard sometimes? Sure! We’re all fucked up people and sometimes it’s difficult to admit that we’re fucked up, especially to someone whose love we cherish. But in the end, if it’s the right relationship, they will look right at your demons and make friends with them 🙂

BelovedSangi: I’d have to say yes. He’s always made it clear to me that he expects nothing short of the complete and honest truth from me and I expect the same from him. We’ve never lied to one another and are adult enough to have potentially difficult conversations openly and easily. We both only want the other to be happy while also not compromising ourselves. The only way we know how to achieve that is to give each other everything and expect the same in return. Knowing that he accepts me and in fact loves me for all my demons, all my flaws, and all my shortcomings makes it so easy to be completely open with him, and I know he feels the same.

Thank you both for you time, openness and awesome blogging –it’s a real boon to the lifestyle for novices and long-time practitioners alike and reminds us all that whips and chains are mere props (albeit fun props :D) and only but one element in the world of BDSM. There is so much more that lies beyond.

So pets I realize some of you prefer fantasy play in sessions but aren’t lifestyle players however like I said before the same basic rules apply. The kinky kinship that’s formed is worthwhile and deserves the proper consideration and equal effort when engaging in any kind of erotic or fetish fun. Subs and Dommes are the yins to each other yangs and vice versa. Both positions come from a place of great strength. And compassion is the paramount of courage in both the thrill of domination and submission .  

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